


Clean Cut

by signifying_nothing



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Gen, No happy ending here, a for angst, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 12:08:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7102693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/signifying_nothing/pseuds/signifying_nothing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"i'm in love with you, i'm sorry, i won't interfere." yoongi confesses during the rehearsal dinner for taehyung's wedding, and everything goes to shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clean Cut

**Author's Note:**

> : (

“You know I'm in love with you, don't you?”

Yoongi asks, because he's drunk and stupid and unhappy. Because Taehyung is getting married in two days and he can't make himself be the best man, he can't. He's already told Jimin that he's going to have to step up, stand there and offer the ring while Yoongi packs his shit and throws it in the back of the u-haul and drives the fuck away from this nightmare he's been living in the last two years of his life, the one where he's been in love with Kim Taehyung and Kim Taehyung has been fucking oblivious.

Being in love with Taehyung is like being in love with the wind. He moves from person to person and loves all equally, and Yoongi might have been all right with that. He could have dealt with loving someone who loves everyone, so long as he loved Yoongi the most. But Taehyung turned into a whirlwind, a tornado centered around Jeon Jeongguk and Yoongi can't take it. He knows he can't take it. His half-conscious conversations with Namjoon make that perfectly clear.

So here he is, drunk on expensive gin and sick to death of lying about his feelings. It's been seven years. It's been _seven years._ Seven years of Taehyung, four of which have been spent giving him anything he needed, anything he wanted, anything Yoongi could give him. He gave and gave and didn't really expect anything in return, but the announcement of the wedding came on Yoongi's _birthday,_ when he was sitting with his friends in his living room and Taehyung and Jeongguk held up their hands and everyone cooed and awed and made fun of them while Yoongi excused himself to be sick as quietly as possible. And he's tried, he's _tried_ so hard to be happy for them. God, he wants them to be happy, he wants that.

Taehyung is looking at him with pity in his gaze (he looks so much like his brother, like Seokjin, when he does that) and Yoongi laughs at the thought, knocks back one more drink for the road. Namjoon promised to come and get him the second he sent out the distress call and he'd sent it before he'd even spoken, just as Taehyung was sliding into the seat next to him with worry in his face and an,  _are you all right_ on his lips. No, Yoongi is not all right.

“You know.”

“...I know.”

Somehow that makes it hurt all the more. Taehyung knows. How long as he known? What gave Yoongi away? He wants to know these things so he can never perform these actions again, so he can't ever seem to be in love with anyone else. Four years of his life cutting his heart into neat little cubes only for Taehyung to come along and pulverize the pieces with a sledgehammer.

“Good,” Yoongi says, not sounding nearly as venomous as he wants to. “Good. I already told Jimin he's best man. Gave him all the stuff, the. The ring.”

“Yoongi,” Taehyung starts, and Yoongi waves his hand, making an exaggerated _shhh_ noise before pressing his fingers to his own lips.

“Shh. Shh-hh-hh. Don't speak. Don't. I'm not—I'm not gonna fuck it up. I'm just gonna go, okay? I'm gonna go, and it's gonna be fine, cos, cos you got Jimin and Hoseok and Seokjin, you got them, okay? I'm not gonna get in the way.” Yoongi's eyes roll over to Jeongguk, who stands on the other side of the room in his jeans and white button-up, laughing with Hoseok and Wonsik over something that has the two of them splitting their sides. “M'not gonna int. Inertf... Interfere,” he manages. “M'just gonna go.”

“Yoongi, don't,” Taehyung says, reaching out to grab his arm and Yoongi jerks back so fast he nearly falls out of his chair, staggering into the table and closing his eyes so they stop crossing. “Don't do this, please.”

“Look,” Yoongi says, pointing one finger at Taehyung and opening his eyes. They are red-rimmed from his dry contacts and the threat of tears. “Look. I'm gonna go. Okay? You're gonna, gonna get married, and I'm gonna go, and ev... Everything's gonna be _fine._ ”

“Yoongi—”

“Everything's gonna be fiiine.” Yoongi grins so hard his cheeks hurt and he hiccups up a laugh. He can't really see Taehyung anymore, since his eyes are so blurry, and he's pretty sure he's lost, or is losing, a contact. There's a smear of blue across his vision. “It's gonna be fine! You'll see. It'll be okay. You're so happy, right? You're so happy with Jeongguk, and I want... I want _you_ to be happy, Taehyung. I want that. I want it more than anything.”

“I'm not going to be happy if you just _leave,_ ” Taehyung says, his voice hard and Yoongi giggles, because who is Taehyung trying to fool? He's not the tough one here. He's not the tough one. Yoongi is the tough one. Taehyung cries at the end of sad movies and holds hands with his friends and shrieks like a kid when they go into haunted houses. Yoongi never cries, never offers his hands, and nothing frightens him. Nothing except the position he's in now, knowing that Taehyung will be unhappy if he goes, but the situation will be even worse if he stays because a little part of him will always hate Jeongguk, and a little part of him will always resent Taehyung.

“Look,” Yoongi says, his head throbbing. “Look. I'll be okay, okay? You just—you get married, and you'll have, have that house you always wanted with the wood fence, right? Like your moms place, and a big big porch all screened in and skylights and Jeongguk and the dogs, you'll get married and it'll be okay.”

Yoongi stops, blinks, and grins.

“I'll be okay... Later. Not now. Not. Not soon. I just wish you'd said, Taehyung. That you didn't like me. If you knew, you should have said.”

“I didn't want anything to _change,_ ” Taehyung says, It sounds like pleading. “I didn't want to—”

“Hurt my feelings?” Yoongi asks, and his voice has too much bite. Too much bite, so he rips off the flesh and chews. “I think you announcing your fucking wedding on my birthday hurt my feelings, I think—think you _knowing_ I'm in love with you and fucking deciding to just ignore it hurts my feelings.”

“You ignored it too,” Taehyung protests, and Yoongi holds up a hand to silence the argument.

“I don't want to talk about this. I'm leaving. I'm _leaving,_ and you get married and just. I'll be fine. Later. Not today. Not tomorrow. Maybe not for a hundred million years. But you won't be around for that, so I just want to go. Or maybe for you to go. I don't know.”

Yoongi doesn't feel the tears on his face. He's a bit numb from all the alcohol but he knows he's whispering, because everyone else is still talking. If he was yelling, there would be a hushed silence over the room while everyone listens in. He's glad that he has at least that much control.

“I didn't want to ruin what we had,” Taehyung says, and Yoongi laughs.

“It's a bit late to care about that, Taehyung,” he says, and he can see Namjoon striding fast across the floor to collect him before he can make a scene. “I'm still gonna fuckin' be here. You're the one who's leaving.”

“Yoongi—”

“Sorry, Taehyung,” he says. “I gotta go.”

Namjoon's voice only registers as a deep wave, a vibration in Yoongi's lungs. Taehyung's voice fades out into a baritone buzz and Yoongi feels himself getting lifted up like a kid, chest-to-chest while his hands are braced around Namjoon's shoulders. Namjoon's breathing is warm and familiar and Yoongi can almost forget the fact that he's sliced his heart out, clean and bloodless, and left it on the ground between Taehyung's shiny black dress shoes. Hopefully it won't be bothering them anymore.

 

 

(and if he cries into namjoon's chest, if he cries that it's not fair, no one knows. no one knows.)

 


End file.
